


I will hold you close without a sound, I will tell it quietly to the stars

by selfinduced



Series: ways to say i love you [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Seelie Court
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-29 00:03:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17797277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selfinduced/pseuds/selfinduced
Summary: "And you, Lightwood heir, what is it that you most desire, hmm?"Warning: this series is mixed media. This part includes photos.





	I will hold you close without a sound, I will tell it quietly to the stars

**Author's Note:**

> Note: this series is mixed media. This part includes photos. Nothing explicit (male presenting nipple! haha Tumblr) but if you're in public or sth, be warned.

    

"And you, Lightwood heir, what is it that you most desire, hmm?" the Seelie Queen's eyes are as mocking as her voice, clear in that she can cut him into ribbons, and the only thing stopping her is that it may be of no benefit to her, as amusement or otherwise. 

Jace clears his throat beside him and Alec shakes his head but can't seem to shake off the slowing of time that overtakes the air around them. He turns to stare at Jace in slow motion, and the Jace he sees through the veritas wine is stark, skin bare of clothes and runes--expression worn down to the essence of him, no artifice. His _soul._ And Alec has never belonged to anyone or anything else. Could never.

"I see," the queen's laugh rings out all around them, but they're back in Central park, surrounded by mundanes, who aren't staring so at least their glamors are working.

 

-

    

When Alec first met him, when he saw the misfit eyes, that first time, it was like his heart stopped and had to restart. He didn't know what it meant back then.

The boy talked a lot, obnoxious and arrogant and yet--wasn't it justified? He was as good as his talk--but it was just a smokescreen, a deflection. Alec thought first:  _you're full of shit_  and second: _I don't care because all I want to do all day is follow you around_.

"I love you," he tried saying instead, one day, after enough years had passed. He'd already decided to love Jace enough to make up for the whole world and everything it denied him.

"What? Why?" Jace had stared at him.

"Nevermind. It's just something people say, ok? Don't make a big deal out of it."

Jace had taken a deep breath and looked solemnly at him, "Look, I know that you and Izzy say that stuff but I'm not like you, and love isn't--"

"What? Love isn't what?" Alec was starting to get angry. Was Jace trying to say he didn't love them? Didn't love Alec? _Liar._

"Nothing. Whatever. Just don't expect me to say that stuff."

"So you do love me. I mean us. You love us. We're your family now."

"I'm not a Lightwood."

"Yeah, of course." Alec knew being a Wayland was important to him. Knew he was going to help Jace avenge his father someday. Because that's what you do for someone you love. 

He never said it out loud again, of course. No, he said it with every silence before hanging up when they were on the phone. With every hug, every arm-shove. Every time he said "Jace," quietly, and Jace had eyes for no one else.

  

-

  

The veritas wine is still making Alec slow as he looks around the park and over at Jace beside him. He doesn't remember telling the Queen anything, or hearing Jace speak at all, but he feels like he's been kicked in the chest, and Jace looks the way Alec feels.

"She said I'm not who I think I am," Jace is hugging himself as if he can feel the cold.

"Jace, Seelies lie. Everything they say is so twisted there's no real truth left in it by the time it comes out."

But Jace is looking at him with a strange light in his eyes, that he hasn't seen in years. Distant. Defiant. He lifts a hand towards Alec but draws it back. Not before Alec notices that it shook. 

  
Alec wants to say,  _No, no you have me now. You'll never be alone again_. But Jace has already turned and started to run. Alec catches him effortlessly with his new height, before Jace can gather up speed to weave through all the mundanes milling around Central Park at midday. He wraps Jace up from behind and breathes in the smell of his hair, the damp inside of his collar, and Jace's shaking calms along with Alec's breath. Their hearts already beat as one. 

  
"It doesn't matter who you think you are. I love you."

Jace startles, another tremor running through him, "To love is to destroy." 

"That's something your father taught you--when it was just the two of you against the world. He's not here now, Jace. We are. I am." Alec swallows painfully, pausing before he adds, "Izzy, Max, mom and dad, we all are."

"I'm still not a Lightwood, Alec. I never will be. I'm Jace _Wayland_ , and I don't--I can't--" Jace seems like he'll break free of his arms.

But he doesn't.

And Alec doesn't let go, paying no attention to his flailing arms or his strength. He's taller than Jace now, and Jace's body is small and trembling against him as he holds him, wraps around him, face pressed to the side of Jace's head.

 _I love you_ , he wants to say again, but a lurching certainty fills him that stops the words because they are not enough, and in this moment, it would be as much a lie of misdirection as that of any seelie to say it. Jace's bony shoulders dig into his chest and he hears his heart like a frantic bird, and Alec knows it's more than 'I love you' that he means, and it hasn't gone away just because he'll never be able to admit to it now.  _I belong to you,_ he thinks instead.

"I know exactly who you are. Everything inside of you," he murmurs into Jace's hair, "You're a part of me now, remember?" tightens his arms when Jace shakes his head, "No, listen to me, listen. Think, Jace. She can't lie outright, so sure, her words apply in some way. You think something about yourself that isn't true. I hate to break it to you, but you're wrong all the time." 

Jace relaxes against him a little, pressing back into Alec's chest, turning his face to tuck it into Alec's neck, and Alec brings one arm up to cup his cheek, hold him there. 

"For all you know, she's just telling you that you're not as pretty as you think you are," he huffs a laugh, making it sound real, "I know that comes as a shock, but it's really not worth freaking out about."

"All that matters is that  _you_ think I'm pretty, Alec," the sass is back in Jace's tone, but he makes no move to try to stand up on his own instead of leaning back on Alec. Actually puts his own arms over the arm Alec's wrapped around him instead, "the Seelie Queen can bite me."

"You're in luck," Alec rolls his eyes, "As your parabatai, I'm probably required by law to declare you the prettiest shadowhunter in all the land. Is that enough or should I go back and challenge the entire Seelie court to a duel?"

Jace turns around, still staying inside Alec's arms, hands resting on Alec's sides, right thumb dipping under his shirt to trace his parabatai rune as he looks up at Alec with a smirk that wavers only slightly.

Alec can barely breathe. Can't imagine ever letting him go.

"Maybe some other time. One thing, though," Jace comes up on tip toe to whisper, eyes dancing, " _I've_ always thought that _you're_ the prettiest," smacks a loud, wet, obnoxious kiss on his cheek and takes off laughing while Alec pretends to make a face and wipe his cheek long sufferingly. 

Alec ignores that his arms feel empty and his chest cold as he runs to catch up. 

 


End file.
